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This message The ManManHunter Agenda, Part 1, A typical day in the Parodyverse. Or Meet the ManManHunters! was posted by ag presents a story that he has set up for 2 years! Soon, after parts 1-4 it will be over and I'll be freeee! Btw, EVERYONE please read this story! ALL HERO POSTERS WILL BE REQUIRED TO RESPOND TO PART 2!!! on Saturday, July 20, 2002 at 12:58.
The ManManHunter Agenda, Part 1, A typical day in the Parodyverse. Or Meet the ManManHunters!
It’s a typical morning in the Parodyverse.
Larry’s Bowl A Rama, morning.
Visionary sits at Larry’s bar sipping a cherry coke, “So Larry, think this place will be busy today?”
Larry is wiping down glasses, “No clue Vish. You never know what the day will bring. How’s Cheryl today?”
Vish looks at his empty glass, “She’s at Drusel’s Department store. There’s a new dress she’s had her eye on.”
Larry: “Let me guess, your morning the loss of your credit cards?”
Vish: “Yup.”
Drusel’s Department Store at that very moment.
“What do you think Barbara?” Cheryl asks her favorite clerk.
“It looks great on you Cheryl! Think your husband wont mind the cost?” Barbara tries to say with a straight face.
Both women bust up with hysterics.
Lisa’s law firm, where Miss Waltz and her assistant, Bry Katz, are in a special Saturday morning counsel with a Miss Feonna Web.
“Are you sure you can get my ex husband to pay? He’s so sure of himself Lisa.” The temid Feonna asks.
“Feonna, he’s hurt you and abused you. He deserves much worse then what I’ve got planed for him in that court room.”
“Don’t worry Miss Web. There is nothing Lisa isn’t prepared for. She’ll win this case for you.” Bry adds.
“Sniff! Th.. Thank you! You people are so good to me!”
Seattle, Washington, same moment.
One of the training rooms for the Goofball Gauntlet, where several members are practicing their skills with their newest member, Mike Mandrel, the Substance Supervisor.
The Petroleum Prankster and the Jujitsu Juggler both charge Mandrel. Using his wand, Mike rearranges the molecules in the ground into a hand, which grabs the Prankster’s leg, tripping him. As the Petroleum Prankster falls he starts to spill his petroleum on the ground.
The Jujitsu Juggler slips on it and falls on his face.
“People! Come on! I know Mike has the stuff, but lets not make it THAT easy on him!” CrazySugarFreakBoy!, the team’s leader pleads. He turns to his deputy leader, Kat Van Horn, the Lesbian Liberator. “LL?”
Kat continues his wishes as team leader, “Marsupial Maiden! Roller Rocket! Ocular Occultist! Take him down!”
The three charge Mike. He turns, then with a wave of his wand one of Roller Rocket’s skates pops off. The hero spins out of control, bumping into Marsupial Maiden. She tries to land her jump on better footing but fails to notice the Ocular Occultist. Soon all three are in a pile on the ground.
“GAHH! We need some real missions lately! Seattle’s been kind of slow lately but I figured you guys were doing better. Nats could do better then this!” CSFB complains.
A flash of light reveals the appearance of Doctor Xeno Phobia, the Extraterrestrial Enigma.
“What did I miss?” the little alien asks.
“Dream is in one of his YOUR-NO-AVENGERS kicks.” Kat explains.
“Well you aren't! If you guys cant take on Mike here, how the @#$%! Are you going to beat the Hood?”
“Dreamcatcher, most the time around here people do lots of talking but never any fighting. Besides, you can’t expect the Goofballs to take on the Hood or Galactivac, can you?” Phobia rations.
“You never know who we’ll be fighting guys! I thought my brief break from the LL would be enough but I guess not. Everyone hit the showers. I’m going to clear my head for a bit.”
CSFB leaves the training room for his personal quarters. As he heads down the hall a small winged form buzzes in front of him until it/she grows into full size, revealing herself to be the Fashion Fairy.
“A little rough on them Dream?” she asks him.
“I don’t think so Sylvia. Phobia only proved my case. There IS a lot of talking going on. I think the Goofballs have become lazy. What if the Hood or this new Balefire character or someone else tries something heavy duty? What if the Lair Legion is taken out? Then what? You’ve read the press. The Abandoned Legion, the JBH, hell, even the League of Regulars all get better coverage then us. Nobody thinks of us at all!”
“And this is what this is all about? You want the Goofballs in the news?”
“No! Yes. Well maybe! Two different times in the last year, once during the World Tour and then again during they Technopolis situation, the Hood manipulated all three of those other teams but the Goofballs were stuck doing clean up. Sylvia, to be honest I’m not sure, if all the other teams were wiped out, that MY team could cut it. This just drives me nuts.”
“Dream, give them time. They ARE former villains. They’re not used to this after all. Vincent and I had the same problems with the Valiant Vanguard. You can’t expect them to become the JLA overnight.”
“Yeah. I guess. It.. It’s just that lately.. this is going to sound weird.”
The Fashion Fairy gives him a silly look, “From you?”
Dream holds up his hands in surrender, “Ok, ok, I know. But Sylvia, I feel like someone’s watching me. I guess I’ve felt this way for a couple of years. Sometime after the Thugos War. Guess I’m being paranoid, huh?”
“Yup. Your CrazySugarFreakBoy! EVERYONE’S watching you!”
“Heh. Yeah. Guess your right.”
The SPUD* operative is quick. He uses his knife to slice the BALD guard’s throat.
“Good! They told me you were fast Messenger, but I had no idea! Come on. If we’re going to shut down this operation we’ve got to hurry.” Lieutenant Gary Neilson, Messenger’s fellow operative urges.
The once dead Postman has only been working with SPUD for two weeks. Neilson has, during that short amount of time, become Messenger’s shadow. The spy organization doesn’t trust their new operative and as far as he’s concerned that’s fine with him. He would rather enter a sack race with Mailman then be somebody’s whipping boy. But for now he has no choice.
* Super-menace Principal Undercover Directorate, the resident super spy organization.
The Bean & Donut Café, where a successful comic book writer is sitting at a booth discussing the pages of his creator owned comic with the inker.
“Look Andy, I don’t know what your problem is! The pages look fine to me.” Rich Dawson explains.
“Rich, they’re all muddy looking! You’ve done work for me for years. Why such a sloppy job lately?” Andrew Dean asks.
“I’ve been distracted lately. That’s all. If you want, I’ll rein them.”
“Please do.”
A waitress comes over, “Are you guys ready for a refill?”
“Yes Sarah, that will be great.” Andy replies. Rich does as well.
Sarah Sheperdson then does so and leaves with a smile. Her waitress friend, Trixie, asks her quietly, “Well? Who’s the stud?”
“A regular customer. Names Andy. Don’t bother with him Trix. He’s got enough women in his life.” Sarah replies.
“A real Don Juan then?”
“Nope. In fact he’s really not interested in a relationship. Let’s just say he’s a commitment-phobe. Hey, your customer needs something Trix.” Sarah points out as she heads to get an order.
Trixie walks over to the young couple sitting across from each other at a booth.
Nelly, the girl customer, speaks up, “Miss, I’d like the Egg and Spam special please.”
“Ok,” Trixie writes it down, “And for you sir?”
The drabby young man in the trench coat with the stubble on his chin looks up, “Uh, crap. Just coffee please.”
“Thank you. I’ll have your orders in a minute.” Trixie says while typically chewing her gum. She leaves.
“Just coffee? Chronic, you can’t eat a decent breakfast if it killed you!” Nelly nags.
“Leave me alone. It’s way too early! I usually don’t get up for about four more hours.” Chronic passes off while feeling the smooth edge of Steve, his demonic guitar.
“Yeah sure. Maybe if you weren’t so lazy! I have no clue why we’re still going out.”
“Because of my inner charm?”
He barely dodges the fork she throws at him.
The Deep Woods of Ausgard,
The double-edged Orc Blade imbeds itself into a tree.
“Ho base creature! The Oldmanson ist not a mear child!” Donar, the Hemigod of Thunder calls out before beheading the blade’s owner.
That’s when the four hundred blood thirsty Orc’s surround Donar and his long time friend, Gunnthar the True.
“Well Oldmanson? Shalt we make the stuff of legend once more?” Gunnthar asks.
“Why noteth? Buffy art a rerun.”
The Orc blood flows deep.
On an idelic cliff facing the ocean, looking out from Amazonia Isle.
“I wonder where he is, Dionniti 45?” Troia 215 asks her old classmate.
“Donar huh? Probably sitting at home, watching Xena or something. You don’t need him Troia. Look what this love affair has done to you! I told you all along. All men are trouble!” Dionniti 45 spats out.
“That’s always been YOUR opinion Dion. If you ever went to Man’s World, you’d think differently.” Troia returns.
“Well, maybe I’ll get the chance one day.”
The S-Mart Store, in Parodopolis,
Granny Fang is in line, ready to by her cat food. She looks forward to times like this as she has a chance to talk with Louis, a clerk and amateur boxer.
“Granny! Did you see my match Thursday?”
“Yes Louis, I did! You did the triple upper cut move I told you about. I see it worked!”
“You bet Granny! Gushi Armstrong spat out seven teeth that night! Thanks again!”
“No problem!”
Louis runs the bag of cat food over the scanner but it doesn’t ring up.
“Hey, the bags ripped and the codes not all here. No problem. I’ll call for a price check.” Louis gets on the intercom. “Price check on Kitty Crunchies.”
A few registers down, S-Mart manager Tony Lupis is talking with the teen age produce manager, Jasper Stevens, “It’s probley a good idea to stock a little heavy Jasper. With July fourth weekend coming, we’ll probley have a run on watermelon and canilope. Ooops! Looks like Louis needs a price check. I’d better get.”
“No problem Mr. Lupis.” Jasper replies to the kindly fat man whom he has grown quite a bit of respect for in the past year.
“Hey Captain Carrot!” a familiar voice assaults Jasper’s ears.
“Joe Pepper! Not in public!” Jasper sees that Joe Pepper (a.k.a. ManMan) is with his close friend Jake Olmen is with him so he plays it cool, “Sigh. Joe, call me Jasper here, ok?”
“Oh, sorry. Forgot. Anyway, Jake and I are looking for playing cards. Where do you keep them?”
“Isle fourteen.”
“Cool. Thanks!”
“Don’t mention it.”
Deep in the under water kingdom of Banjooo, king of the Sea Monkeys,
“How is it coming Groooojo?” Banjooo asks his royal decorator.
The Sea Monkey responds to his king, “Quite good my liege. The purple drapes you asked for are almost finished and..”
“Purple.. drapes? But I asked for light blue. Come on Groooojo. This is the fourth mistake this week!”
“I’m sorry my lord. It won’t happen again.”
“See that it doesn’t.”
The Parodopolis Museum, where museum curator Carl Hallow, his wife Shelly and his assistant Joseph Roberts are looking over some new pieces the couple just brought from over seas.
“So you had no problem optaining this piece Carl?” Joseph asks.
“Well, it was a bit high, but I managed to reach it.” Carl returns his wife’s silly look. The fact that they used their flying harnesses as Pigeonman and Pigeonwoman to reach the cave within the forty-foot straight up shear cliff is none of Joseph’s business.
Covington House, home of the Darkness witches,
Toby Mandalay has been an assistant librarian and magic-furniture restorer for about two years off and on. Today he’s been called in by Whitney Darkness, the Sorceress, to help prepare for the Bed & Breakfast Jay Boaz and her is setting up.
With her Grandmother up in town and Jay (her boyfriend) not arriving yet, Whitney decided Toby could help her get started by getting some books off the shelves.
Both of them have been at it for the better part of an hour.
“Toby, can you come over here so I can toss this book down? It’s not supposed to touch the ground. If it does ten thousand demons break free and ravage the planet.. again.”
“Ok Whit!” Toby eagerly replies as he heads over to her latter. Pretending to be stupid, Toby climbs up her later, ready to “accidentally” cop a feel.
Whitney has obviously been awhile of Toby’s constant flirtations. He’s always trying something when Jay isn’t around. At five foot six with reddish hair and green eyes, a little geeky like Seth Green, Whitney finds him kind of attractive. That’s the only reason why she’s got mixed feelings about turning him into pigeon chow.
“EXCUSE ME TOBY? YOU can stand on the floor. The book cant, but YOU can. Get the picture?”
“Ulp! Sorry Whit! Guess I couldn’t resist getting close to your beautiful bod. Must be your hot animal magnetism.”
“GET-DOWN NOW
before I turn you into hot animal droppings!”
Toby gets the message real quick after gazing into her determined eyes.
She thinks to her self, “Wish Jay would hurry!”
The Zesty Noodle, where Jay Boaz has arrived to pick up a breakfast order that he and Whitney called in.
“Danny Wutt, what are you doing here this early? You usually work in the evening.” Jay asks his favorite waiter.
“Hello Jay. I have decided to help out the manager to get ready for tonight’s business. You know how busy it gets around here.”
“Sure do! Well, gotta go. Whit and I are setting up the Bed and Breakfast tonight. Bye!”
“Good bye Jay.”
The Zero Street Mission, where the outlaw super hero known as De Brown Streak is in his normal guise as Josh Clement.
Josh lives here, for the moment. Usually he’s not at home but this morning he’s decided to check in on a man who has become very important to him, Father Degio Garduchi. The priest who has always been there as an ear to bend. Father Garduchi is the best friend of Reverend Fleetwood and has always helped and encouraged Josh with a kind word.
Father Garduchi (in his thick Irish accent): “Ah Josh. How are ye doing today?”
Josh: “Can’t complain Father. You know, every morning I wake up here and feel that much more grateful for my freedom. Thanks again for not telling the feds where I am.”
Father Garduchi: “Don’t be mentioning it me lad. You’re one of God’s children. If I have anything to say about it, you’ll always have a place to stay.”
Joe Wilson slowly opens his front door. Last night was a late one. Training his new super team till the late hours everyday this week has really exhausted him.
“That blasted sun is just rising sooner and sooner. GAHH! It’s bright this morning.” Joe reaches down to get his paper.
“STUPED KID! Throwing my paper in the begonias!” Comes a voice next door.
Joe sqwints through the sunlight to see crotchety old Mr. Jones, his next-door neighbor.
“Morning Mr. Jones.”
“Ah shut up!” the old man yells back, slamming his door shut.
He stands with an imposing posture. His arms behind his back, his legs firm and untiring. An air of pure defiance about him.
The one who someday could either save the universe from itself or distroy it on a whim watches the object of his desire.
It has been awhile sense we’ve dropped in on him or his older siblings.
“He’s doing it again Dad.” Katie, his older sister proclaims.
His father bends down to look in his little two-year-old face. His little brow knit with determination.
“Davie? Another car commercial? Between your fixation with machines and your love of cars I’m starting to think I’m raising the next NTU-150.”
“Car. Vroom.” Davie calmly says with a hint of desire.
“Ok. Little man. Just do me a favor. Don’t beat up on your sisters this time, okay?” he kisses the little would be dictator on the forehead.
“Laura, Katie, Sara, be good for Nancy.” Scott Brunsen says to his kids after kissing his son.
“Yes. Your father and I don’t get many dates and we’ve been looking forward to this morning matinee. Please don’t tie up Nancy this time. And Davie, please stop flushing your sister’s head in the toilet.” Janeen kisses them.
“Don’t worry Mr. and Mrs. Brunsen, we get along fine.”
“Ok, by kids!”
The Mayor’s office, in Parodopolis,
“But I’m NOT the mayor! It says so in the Who’s Who! I’m only mayor of all the OTHER cities of the US, not Parodopolis!” Mayor Hopkins points out.
“Mr. Mayor, you know perfectly well that with the absence of our last mayor, who ever he was, that you have to serve as mayor-in-absence for our city as well.” Daphne, spiffy’s (the mayor) aide.
“Aw Daphne, but this town is the worst! They give me crap cause not only is most the city getting constantly torn up from the super hero battles, but sense I WAS a super hero and LL’er, I’m considered guilty too! It’s a hard job getting anything passed in this city.”
“Don’t worry sir. You’re doing a great job! I’m sure the people will love you. You just need to show them you’re lovable side.”
“Daphne, what would I do without you?”
Ruffled Feathers and Fur, the most popular pet shop, used to be right next door to the Parodopolis ASAPCA building, but the demonic Armageddon of last summer distroyed the building. A lot of employees were left job less at the time. One being Jackie Roberts.
But sense Jackie was “out of town” (read off planet as Jackie Rabbit), she wasn’t even aware of this. Sense then she was pretty busy staying in the hospital due to an unfortunate vampire attack.
Now things are back to normal and Jackie has obtained employment at the new popular pet store.
Here, in one of the rooms in the back, Jackie grooms a very frightened stray dog.
“It’s ok Mr. Chubs. We’ll make things alll better.” She pets the cute little dog.
The door opens, revealing her boss, Mr. Parks, “Jackie? How’s Mr. Chubs doing?”
“Really great! He’s been here a month and he’s really starting to warm up to the other employees. I think he’ll he ready for a new home soon.”
“That’s great. I’ve got… business later, so I need you to stay a little late tonight. Can you?”
“No problem Mr. Parks.”
“Thanks Jackie!” her boss leaves.
“Mr. Parks sure is mysterious. Oh well, I guess he has his reasons.” Jackie says to the little dog.
England, in the fine, historic Wilton estate,
“More tea sir?”
“No thank you Blenkinsop. I am quite in order. Would you please fetch me the newspaper? I think I shall see if my friends in the Lair Legion have been keeping their noses clean.” Sir Mumphrey Wilton states.
“Yes sir.”
On that same regal Island nation, in the city of London, another hero of the Parodyverse can be found.
In one aspect he’s a member of the endless creatures called the Pointless. In another aspect he’s the inactive super hero/former talk show host/ formally pantsless / formally drunk Space Ghost.
Currently he’s just living the quiet life under the alias of David Garret, author of what he calls 'anime literature', despite the fact that he isn't Japanese and there aren't even pictures in his work.
This morning he’s going to visits with a slightly obsessed fan that he visits with this time every week.
“Well Becky Struthers, as I live and breathe. Is it Saturday morning already?” David asks.
“Gee David, you can just call me Becky. I mean, I’ve been coming here every Saturday morning for awhile now. Ever sense we met at that book signing.”
“I know, I know. So,” he begins as he escorts her into his flat, “wanna see my new book?”
Visionary’s condo, Parodopolis,
“How has cute Rabbito been doing cute Cindy Brainy?”
“He’s doing fine Yo!” the little girl in pig tails responds, “He’s just been munching on carrots while you’ve been teaching your class.”
“RABBITO! Yo have being missed you very much! Thank to be being to you Cindy!”
“You’re welcome Yo!” the little girl beams at the chance to help her friend.
The Fatal Toilet, a popular bar in Parodopolis sense Lenny’s Tavern was blown up. In the morning however, it’s like a ghost town.
dull thud sits in the empty joint trying to wake up.
“Davy, why do you come here in the morning of all times?” Kristy, the young, blonde, fashionable bar maid asks him while pouring him a drink.
thud mumbles barley coherently, “Have to meet someone about a tape I had to listen to. Just waking up. Too &**^% early for this ^*&*$!”
~~Now thud, is that anyway to talk to a girl you have a crush on?~~ Cressida, the telepathic tapeworm points out within thud’s mind.
“I don’t have a crush on ‘er.”
“I didn’t say you did Davy.” Kristy replied.
“Not you. I was talking to.. never mind.”
Uncomfortable silence.
“So did ye listen to that tape?” thud asks.
“What tape?”
“Fungus Fetish. Did ye listen?”
“Uh no.” Kristy replies flatly. She decides not to tell him that she put it where she puts all the tapes he tries to get her to listen to, the garbage can behind the bar.
The front door opens, revealing a young man who looks a little lost, “Um, excuse me. My name’s Randy Potts and I’m new in town. Can you guys tell me where I can get info on the city?”
“Down the street, take a left. Sign says Parodopolis Tourist Center. Can’t miss it.” Kristy replies.
“Thanks!” and with that Potts has left.
The brief interruption is all Kristy needs to change the subject, “So Davy, isn’t time you met your appointment?”
“Yeah, I guess so. I’ll see you tonight.”
“Maybe.”
Bautista Enterprises,
Jaimie Bautista looks over the mountain of documents.
“Ken, are all these documents really necessary?”
Ken Johansen, the company’s chief engineer, replies, “So they tell me. Guess the exploding microwaves have made the FCC nervous.”
Jamie sighs in defeat, “Ken, I’m feeling too old for all of this!”
“Me too Jaimie. Want to go to the Mechanics Workshop this afternoon? Get your mind off of all this?” Ken asks.
“Wild SR-71’s couldn’t keep me from that!”
Sirens are a common sound here in Gothametropolis York, but this time of the morning they can still turn heads.
People all over the street, ready to do their early Saturday morning shopping, stop in their tracks.
The Second National GMY Bank is getting robbed, again.
“One more step and I’ll blow your head off! I’m not kidding!” Lieutenant Saggy Mauyer commands the perpetrator.
“Don’t get in my way Lieutenant! You don’t know what I’m capable of!” the walking pile of earth yells.
“Let ‘em rip boys!” the tough, no nonsense cop replies.
A hail of bullets rip through the robber’s body, causing dirt to spray out behind the villain, but failing to stop his forward march.
“I didn’t want to hurt anybody but you guys leave me no choice! Feel the power of Dirt Clog!” Earth shoots at rapid speed from Dirt Clog’s fingers, enveloping various policemen.
“%%&*%!!”Saggy Mauyer cusses as she rolls, barley avoiding getting trapped.
“Need some help Mauyer?” a firm voice asks as its owner swoops down, wings flapping majestically.
“Well Pigeonman! ‘Bout time one of you glory hogs showed up!”
“Lieutenant Mauyer, your hospitality never stops to amaze me.” The other worldly policeman responds as he swoops around Dirt Clog.
“YOU CANT STOP ME PIGEONMAN! I HAVE THE POWER OF THE EARTH BEHIND ME!”
Pigeonman replies while swinging his Electro-mace, “And I have the power of Thonggar behind me. Wonder who’s going to win?”
The Electro-mace smashed into the dirt villain with surprising results. The electrical energy rips through Dirt Clog, shaking him up. Within seconds he looses shape, his form plopping to the ground.
“Just what I thought.” Car-Tar (Pigeonman) says with little concern.
“Clean up every inch of that mess boys! Let’s cart this Dirt Clog to the Safe.” Mauyer turns to the winged hero, “So you came to my rescue again huh? I STILL think you’re all grandstanders.”
“Well Mauyer, you can think what you want. I was assigned to monitor Earth and serve as it’s protection and that’s what I shall do.”
He flies off, not looking back. He wont tell her that this past year that he’s been working with Lieutenant Saggy Mauyer has been very fulfilling or that he cant get her out of his thoughts. That would show weakness and Thonggarain police officers NEVER show weakness.
Four blocks west, at the abandoned firestation that serves as home for the Abandoned League.
“Wait, reports are coming in now. Yes, it’s been confirmed. The local alien hero Pigeonman has defeated the new villain Dirt Clog. Lieutenant Saggy Mauyer of the GMY police has apprehended the villain. No reports yet as to any connection between this dirt themed villain and Mayor Hopkins, but we’ll make sure to look into it for our later broadcast. This is Lana Tilby with WGHMO signing off. Back to you Jim.”
“Sure you will. Man Pete, that Tilby is ALWAYS trying to give spiff a hard time.”
The silent Paste Pot Pete says nothing, which is normal for him sense he left the hospital over a year and a half ago.
Steven Bloom, a.k.a. Hunter Victorious just looks at him and sighs.
KNOCK KNOCK
“Great. Visitors. Maybe it’s Cap with a breakfast pizza.”
Steven opens the door to great the frowning face of Dirk Taurence, retired fireman and the grumpy owner of the AL’s headquarters.
“You heroes got the rent?”
“Hi Mr. Taurence. Nice to see you too.”
“Well?”
“Uh, yeah. Cap went to the bank to get it. He’ll be right over. Okay?”
“It’s due today. Don’t forget!”
Steven closes the front door, thinking all kinds of “nice things” about his landlord.
The Second National GMY Bank, at that same moment.
The famous hero known as Cap enters the bank to see it’s in complete commotion. It’s mostly empty, with big piles of dirt all over the place.
“What happened here Trixie?” Cap asks his favorite teller.
“Oh yeah Mr. Hero. Come in now. Where were you ten minutes ago?”
“Traffic. The cab couldn’t get through.”
“Didn’t you know there was a hold up? Didn’t the cabbie have the radio on? People in the street yelling?”
“Well there was this magazine in the cab and it had this great article on peanuts and..”
“AAARRGGH! You’re a super hero! You’re supposed to know when ever there is a crime going on!”
“Ok, ok, I’m sorry. Can I make it up to you tonight with dinner? The Zesty Noodle? Around sevenish?”
“Damn your cute when you’re eager. Ok. It’s a date.”
She concentrates. Focuses deep within her.
She is ready.
Ziles, garbed in her martial arts robe, with her eyes closed, says, “I’m ready Master Fatt.”
Wise old Sensei Young Fatt charges her with a “Tea pot of death maneuver”. Ziles blocks, grabs his fist and flips him to the ground.
Fatt flips, turns it into a somersault and lands on his two feet light as a feather, “You have improved much, grasshopper. As the pebble is to the bark of a tree, you must continue to listen to the wind till the cow of time marries the chicken of space.”
Ziles just nods. Of course she has no clue what the wise old bald oriental just said, and the fact that his thoughts are guarded from her doesn’t help. She wont let him no that.
“Sensei, am I improving?”
“You have indeed improved much young one. There is much farther you must go still. Now be gone. Your martial arts lesson for the week has come to conclusion. Next week we will discuss what you shall do when reaching a fateful decision. Now be gone.”
Hell's Bathroom, the apartment of Derek Foreman and formally Jack Thompson who died some time back.
Derrick had it pretty hard lately. As the superhero known as Exile, he died recently, then came back as some sort of angel of death, then all of that was retconed by the powerful Hooded Hood for his own purposes.
Still, dispite the change of reality, Derek has seen better days.
Now he sits, taking the morning off from superheroing, to watch some Saturday morning cartoons.
His viewing is interrupted however as there is a knock at the door. The alien slave girl and object of his affections, Valeria of Carfax, goes to the door and calls to Derek, “Master Derrick, Emmanuel Lincon is here for you.”
“Val honey, please don’t call me ‘master’.” Derric responds while getting up.
“Emmanuel, what’s up?”
His friend of two years comes in, “Nothing much Derek, just seeing how things are in your world.”
“Same old thing. Had breakfast?”
“Nope.”
“Want?”
“Sure.”
“Cool.”
What Derric doesn’t know is that Emmanuel belongs to a secret organization.
This one is called S.H.A.O. (Super-Hero Aid Organization), and ever sense Derek’s old friend Jack Thompson (another member of S.H.A.O.) died Emmanuel was reassigned to him to help Derek when he’s Exile. **
**I’m not making this up. Check out old Exile stories by Derek himself!
The older, stern yet friendly Sister Claire is quiet as she and Nun More Black continue to milk the goats. She doesn’t need to say anything, sense the task at hand is a simple pleasure of their nunnery. So life continues peacefully.
“So if I multiply the square root of 7,934,129,874 by pie then divide that by the triple exponents to the 17th power, that should provide the proper equation. That bumbling old fool Dr. Immodium at StarTrekish Labs has no clue. I know his equations are off by a 1,000,000,000,000 of a millisecond. ” Al B Harper hypothesized and reasons aloud to himself as he sits in his messy cabin in the woods.
He’s barley aware of old lady McCragas as she continues to clean. She doesn’t say anything to her and vice a versa sense she knows he would tune her out if she tried.
So she just cleans as she usually does every Saturday morning.
Rocketman High School, which is of course, empty this Saturday morning.
Except for the small group of kids suffering from weekend detention.
“Dazamn! All I did was try to defend myself! HE’s the one who through the first punch!” Ian Astheimer complains to the teacher in charge of monitoring detention this weekend, Dr. Freedom S. Justanonwodfonunletodo.
The crazy old physics teacher responds, “Ian, come now. You know the school can’t abide by any fighting.”
Ian thinks to himself, “I could just turn into Icewing, THEN I could get out of here. But noooo. Darwazarn!”
The Parodopolis Municipal Library, where the mythical creature in human form known as Pegasus approaches Gladis, the chief librarian, “Excuse me Gladis, but what do you have on winged horses?”
“Ah Penny. Good to see you again. All that we have is in our fantasy section. Let me show you.” The sweet old woman responds.
A dark form watches from above in the shadows.
“They are now what either of them seem. Maybe I shall tarry further before I return to slumber.”
The dark form known as Wangmundo continues to watch.
Xander’s Shop, also in Parodopolis,
“Surly you feel it Xander? There’s something upon the wind?” the oozing blob that is the Manga Shaggoth enquires (somehow) to his friend.
Xander the Improbable continues to calmly leaf through a “Today’s Mystic” magazine, barley giving things much thought, “Shaggoth, these ManManHunters are of no real threat. They’ve never been able to keep an agent for me for very long. Clearly they’re just a group of broken toys, trying to stir up trouble. Ah, here comes mine now. Tuck yourself under the counter a moment wont you? That’s a good Shaggoth.”
Tinkle!
The opening door clicks a bell which opens a chute that allows a bowling ball to roll down metal railings to stop on a book which performs the domino effect, continuously knocking books down until the last falls on the bell on the front desk, or it would if Xander hadn’t caught the book with a fast yet calm action.
He so hates the sound of that bell.
“Hello. I take it your new?” Xander says to the magazine stockboy who just started delivering to the shop.
“Um, yes sir. I’ve brought your magazines sir.” The pimply faced teen replies.
“Thank you. Will you do me a favor young lad?”
The boy is visibly shaking. He knows what happened to the others who tried coming here, “Er, yes?”
Xander’s eyes are dark. He’s not addressing the boy in front of him and the boy knows it, “Return to your ‘boss’ and inform him that I have no use for his ‘company’ or it’s ‘employees’. Let him know any further disturbances will be dealt with.”
The boy flees with his life.
The offices of the Gothametropolis Times,
“Crap? AGAIN? Burch, this paper is not just a tool for the personal dark, misinformed drivel of an overly depressed society outcast! Gregory Burch, I demand you shape up or you’re off the staff. Clear?” Natasha Goddard, the editor in chief demands her crime reporter, Greg Burch.
“Crystal.” He replies with ice.
He leaves her office knowing this is FAR from over and planning his next column. This one should be about the corruption in the newspaper business.
A hexagonal satellite, the size of a one room apartment (although inside it’s as immense as three shopping malls complete with it’s own Radio Shack, K B Toys, food court and other such stores), phased in and out of all time and space, where the Lurker, that enigmatic figure who monitors all the Parodyverse watches his multiple view screens flicker.
“Any reason yet why this is happening?” the Lurker asks his many android companions.
They nod “no” as they frantically look for the problem.
Fluffy, the robotic bunny now in charge of operations on the satellite/space ship speaks up as his master looks at him, “We have no idea Master Lurker. For some reason all the screens went haywire.”
“Master, would you like me to go outside and see if the problem is out there?” Humdinger, (the only other human, besides the Lurker, aboard the ship) asks as she powers up.
“No Leeta, Fluffy is quite capable of sorting this out.”
Elsewhere (did you think I’d leave him out of this?), a mysterious figure watches, his agents listening in on private channels.
“Xander will obviously need a lesson in humiliation. My loyal servants, his time might be at hand. I’ve contemplated beginning my campaign, dispite the fact that the Hooded Hood and Cowled Criminal are aware of our actions, and now maybe it is time indeed.
Minions in quarter 4!”
Several voices chime in, including the entire flight crew of a 747 jumbo jet, “Yes master.”
“That simpleton Trickshot knows! Agent 367 failed and revealed our existence to him! Kill Trickshot now, or we will all have to act!”
“Yes master.”
They sign off. The mysterious figure turns to another agent, his first, trusted, most loyal one, “Agent 1, thank you for what you have done. If Agents 451 through 471 fail, then you know what must happen.”
“I do my master.”
“Very well.”
Pelican Air, flight 203, to Parodopolis, where Carl Bastion sits deep in thought. The plane is above the ocean right now but soon it will be landing at the airport.
“Jeeze Tricky, what are you gonna say? Hi guys! I’m back! By the way, there is a mysterious cult watching you guys made up of androids pretending to be people close to you. They want DK, Manny, and who knows what else and their just waiting to strike. Shoot. Guess the direct method is all I can do.”
Carl’s thoughts start to wander, “Beth. *** Jeeze. Not sense Natalina have I digged a babe like that! I could’ve settled down with her. Why the &*(%$# cant I cut a break? Well, at least this flight’s been uneventful.”
“Attention passengers, this is the captain speaking. We are about to make our decent so I will request that all cigarettes be put out and that you fashion your seat belts. Oh, one more thing. NO MAN EXCAPES THE MANMANHUNTERS!”
The plane lurches towards the ground at a high speed. A fourth of the passengers scream.
Strangely, the rest stand up and begin to surround Carl.
“S#/^!”
***
Beth is Trickshot’s girlfriend who turned out to be a ManManHunter as seen in Tricks of the Trade, Part 4. Love, a many-splintered thing.
Lair Mansion, upon Lair Isle, where the super hero known as Nats is using the Lair Danger Proximity View screen to play the Lair Legion Stop Out video game.
“Come on! Come on! Gotta beat GoldenEyed’s high score!” He thinks to himself, “At least playing this game has kept my mind off of those lies Hoki told me. I know their lies, but with her, you never know.”
ARROOOOGA! AROOOGA!
Nats covers his ears, “Arrghh! Stupid microwave! I’m glad my popcorn’s done, but why the &*(^ do we have a blasted alarm?”
The face of Edwin, the British cyber butler cut’s into the game, “Master Reed. Perhaps if you actually monitored the view screen instead of played games you’d see that a jumbo jet is going for a nosedive into the airport. Also maybe you should draw your attention to whose personal signal device has been activated.”
“HIM? BACK? But it hasn’t even been a year!”
Next Time:
Six legionaries take on a plane full of ManManHunters! Trickshot’s news! Finny and DK’s plan. The Mysterious figure begins the main Agenda! The heroes of the Parodyverse (and Chronic) are given the Choice! The Mysterious figure revealed!
Long time readers will remember that the MMH plots have turned up ever sense the Thugos War and Amazing Tales, the Return, but the biggest story to date to feature these agents is the Contest of Champions 2, or Revenge of the Bowling Night!
Here’s the link to these! If my pages don’t work, it’s just heavy traffic. Just check back later then.
amazingtales20
Contest of Champions 2, or Revenge of the Bowling Night! Part 1
Contest of Champions 2, or Revenge of the Bowling Night! Part 2
Contest of Champions 2, or Revenge of the Bowling Night! Part 3
Various heroes shown here can be explained in the Who’s Who by HH
and
My Scorecard of Characters.
Both are out of date, but they can help.
This poster posed from 65.100.220.27 when they posted
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